E.I.N. The Newes — Ewetopia

Ewetopia International News. Roman Shepherd reporting live.

• Ewetopia International News: Broadcasting continuously since a date that has been disputed in three separate legal proceedings. Roman Shepherd, anchor. Read The Newes
• World Desk: E.I.N. bureaus currently active: North Hollow. Cairo. Ho Chi Minh City. Kyiv. Rio de Janeiro. Greystone — complicated.
• Roman Shepherd: Lead anchor and managing editor. 11 consecutive years at the desk. Has never blinked on camera. This is not confirmed but it is widely believed. Follow on Instagram
• Roman's Notes: Cairo bureau requesting additional resources. Approved. Greystone situation escalating. Cluck: three sightings this week. Horus'. The De Hoyos platform. A booth at EAT. Do not run the story until confirmed.
• Now Broadcasting: The Wool-Lites. I'm That — Nov 20. The Wolf: Prey — Dec 4. Predator — Dec 18. Spotify SoundCloud Switch feed: Sheep Cam
• On Air: Three cameras. One anchor. Zero rehearsals. E.I.N. broadcasts live or not at all. YouTube TikTok
• Script: GOOD EVENING. THE WOOL-LITES HAVE NEW MUSIC. DO NOT AD-LIB.
• Market Report: BAH +4.2% | FLEECE -1.1% | WOOL: Unchanged for 11 years | OMEGA CURRENCY FUTURES: UNCERTAIN | GREYSTONE DELIVERY: DELAYED (AGAIN)
• Tip Line: E.I.N. takes tips. Roman reads every one. He responds to none of them. Get your passport and your city goes on the world desk.
• Studio Exit: The ON AIR light stays on when you leave. It is always on. Next door: Fuel-Ewe Out to the street

Listen: Spotify SoundCloud. Merch: The Wool-Lites store.